The wide world of addictions is divided into two groups, chemical addictions (substance) and non-chemical or behavioral addictions, these have to do with pleasurable and routine behaviors that begin to generate the need to repeat them inevitably beginning to affect the areas of performance such as family, work, academic, social, emotional, mental and physical health, in this case we will talk about sex addiction.
The WHO (World Health Organization) mentions that a dependence process can occur in three instances: In the consumption of a substance, in the development of an activity or in the construction of a relationship.
To meet the criteria of dependence, there must be repetition of the addictive behavior, present withdrawal syndrome (presence of physical and psychological signs and symptoms) once the addictive behavior is discontinued and with a gradual and progressive increase of the addictive behavior.
Case 1: Problems of a married man
“I have a family, everything anyone would like to have, but I still feel empty and I look for ways to satisfy myself sexually in every possible way. I watch pornography, masturbate several times a day and sometimes I resort to prepaid services to pay for their services.
I feel unhappy, my sex life with my partner has decreased significantly. With her I can’t do all the things I want to do because she is very conservative.
After I masturbate or am with a prostitute I feel equally empty, I feel guilt and shame, I see my family and I don’t really know what is wrong with me because I also know that tomorrow I will do it again.
I feel incoherent and without the strength to change. Although I recognize that it is something bad, that it is affecting me and that it could bring me very bad consequences, I still continue to do it. I lead a double life, my family can’t imagine everything that goes through my head and everything I’ve done.”
Behavior in this addiction
Sex addiction has very similar components to substance abuse addiction. A progressive behavior is generated that generates tolerance(the level of experiences must be increased to obtain the same pleasure), followed by guilt, confusion and feelings of sadness.
At times there is a strong desire not to continue to do so, but shortly thereafter the behavior returns. It is a dependency, that is, it is no longer a desire but a need.
In the clinical practice of addictions we realize that the addict does not seek his addiction to feel good but to not feel bad, that is to say, his addiction ends up becoming an adaptive mechanism to compensate for different psychological, biological, family and other aspects that generate conflict.
Case 2: Problem of a Single Man
“I am single, I am 34 years old, since my adolescence I was very introverted, I was embarrassed to talk to other people and I saw women as unattainable, that is why I started to build a reality through the pornographyI did everything I could not do in reality through virtuality, I created characters on the internet to interact without feeling ashamed of myself, I have many complexes with my body, the way I am.
I am afraid of being rejected. Every time I have a problem I lock myself up and masturbate, it’s what relieves me at least for a moment, then life goes on. I have been trying to improve my problem, but every day I get disappointed, this generates a lot of depression and I think it is very difficult to change.”
Sex addiction is a symptom like all addictions, where the problem in itself does not lie in the behavior, but in the “what for” and the relationship that is established with it.
Often we see that they are people who show insecurity, experiences of lack(affective, economic, emotional, among others), bullying, they do not feel accepted. These same shortcomings are compensated with adaptive strategies that help them “medicate” these feelings.
The situations that arise in relation to another, are nothing more than one’s own conflicts, which are inside and become visible in another who ends up being a mirror of one’s own unresolved issues.
By placing dependence on the outside, the person will always be at fault, since he or she does not control the other. The healing process should start not from the outside but from the inside. The aim is to identify one’s own personal shortcomings in order to compensate for their shortcomings in their relationship with the outside world.
Case 3: A parent’s problems
“I am 38 years old, married with 2 children. I lived a difficult childhood, my parents separated when I was 8 years old, I lived many fights between them. I grew up very insecure, with fears, I didn’t think I deserved anything. I started watching pornography and it felt good, I studied and prepared myself.
After my economic condition improved, I began to pay for sex, everything changed when the money allowed me to access and feel secure because I commanded and told him everything he was supposed to do, I opened parallel social networksI wrote to several women, including models, I offered them considerable sums of money and they always agreed, I felt like a king, a colonizer, I felt powerful.
I felt this only at the moment of living the experiences, after these, I felt the worst, I felt dirty, sad, I was ashamed of myself, I arrived home and I was overwhelmed, I felt that I was deceiving my loved ones but still I was not able to stop.
It is something that governs you, that is stronger than your will, you think you feel you are the owner of the world and you end up living in a fictitious world that you create to try to momentarily believe its own lies.
I struggled with this for a long time, thank God today I am overcoming it and I have been free of this slavery for 6 months now, even if you don’t use a substance, it leads you to have many problems”.
Sex addiction treatment
The treatment of sex addiction, as well as any addiction, has as a starting point the recognition of the problem, the acceptance of it.
In the case of compulsive sexual behavior, it must be treated in a comprehensive manner, including psychological therapy, psychiatric specialist, family therapy and self-help groups.
The main objective of the treatment is to help identify and resolve conflicts and personal situations that have to do with the appearance of this type of behavior, from this it helps to control impulses and reduce excesses in compulsive sexual behavior to resignify it and to be able to engage in healthy sexual relationships and activities with oneself and with others.
It is also very important to work on the limit, associations, habits and rituals that are built around addictive behavior, taking responsibility for their actions and identifying and renouncing risk factors that lead to the construction of compulsive sexual behavior.
By:
Juan Carlos Giraldo R.
Addiction Specialist
